


gravity

by thunderylee



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Aromantic Character, Asexual Character, Canon Universe, Facial, M/M, fake baekyeon, rebound threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-06
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-31 08:05:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12128133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: Chanyeol is asexual and Baekhyun is aromantic and they keep on coming back to the end.





	gravity

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck.

Baekhyun can’t count on both hands and feet how many times he has broken up with Chanyeol, but he can recall every instance off of the top of his head because those are the only times since the day they met that he’s slept with other people. In the early days, he’d pick up his rebounds at a club, but since they’ve been internationally famous he’s been forced to keep it within the agency.

The past couple times have actually been with Kyungsoo, who just rolls his eyes and says, “ _Again_?” when he sees Baekhyun’s pout at his door. They both know that Chanyeol knows, but Baekhyun’s feelings for Kyungsoo mirror an alley cat in heat and Kyungsoo just humors him. Chanyeol knows that Baekhyun doesn’t love Kyungsoo like he loves Chanyeol, even if he’s not _in love_ with him. Baekhyun’s not in love with anyone.

They’ve talked about it so many times it’s a dead horse that has been buried and resurrected just to be kicked again. A fern is more sexual than Chanyeol, and Baekhyun can usually make it until his entire body flares with _need_ before setting off the cycle of resentment all over again, igniting an argument neither of them will ever win.

“Why don’t you _want_ me?!” he exclaims, feeling like a pervert in his own bed just for wanting to have sex with his partner.

“Why don’t you _love_ me?” Chanyeol always counters, which kills Baekhyun’s boner every time and leaves him wondering why the hell they bother when all they do is make each other miserable.

“I do love you,” Baekhyun says quietly. “I just don’t love you the way you want to be loved.”

Chanyeol frowns, not bothering to try and hide the tears welling in his eyes. Again. “Well, I want you, but not the way you want to be wanted.”

*

It’s happened so many times that Junmyeon doesn’t bother lecturing them anymore, just reminds them to keep it together for the group, for the fans. After three years of pretending, Baekhyun and Chanyeol could hate each other’s guts and still fanservice like professionals, making a heart with both of their hands and shooting each other longing glances during performances. The longing part isn’t always fake, anyway.

“Off again?” Taeyeon guesses the next time she picks Baekhyun up for their beard dates. They both can’t be gay in the spotlight, after all. “You’re doing that twitching thing you do when your morals are fighting with each other.”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun sighs, draping himself pathetically over Taeyeon’s passenger seat. “You know what’s sad? I don’t even want to have sex with him like this. Sex with Chanyeol is so mechanical it feels like an anatomy lesson. I feel like a douchebag because I know he’s not into it one bit. I want to be with him, but I want him to want to be with me too!”

“You can’t change who he is, baby,” Taeyeon tells him, the broken record he’s heard over and over from different voices. “If you love him—don’t give that face, Baekhyunnie, you know what I mean—you’ll find a way to be with him that satisfies both of your needs.”

“We’ve been trying to do that for three years.” Baekhyun slumps across the console to lay his head on Taeyeon’s shoulder. It’s incredibly uncomfortable and she’s still driving, but a small hand pats his shoulder and for one shining minute in time, everything is okay. “You’re my favorite noona.”

“I would hope so, since I’m supposed to be your girlfriend,” Taeyeon says, and they both laugh so hard that Baekhyun’s head falls right into her lap. It would be the start of their first sexual encounter with each other if Baekhyun wasn’t confident that Taeyeon would stab him in the thorax with the heel of her stage shoes that are likely tossed somewhere in the backseat. He may be fine with any gender, but she’s not interested in anything he has to offer. Also, she’s in a relationship and 100% into the romantic love thing that suffocates Baekhyun just to think about. They’re more wrong for each other than he and Chanyeol are.

*

When Taeyeon drops him off after a few hours of cruising and being seen together in public, Kyungsoo’s already in his bed. Baekhyun lifts an eyebrow, considers his options, and shrugs. Kyungsoo shrugs back, and Baekhyun sighs, his heart winning the battle against his dick this time. Fucking Kyungsoo is raw and emotionless and everything he wants in another person, but nothing about it will make Baekhyun feel better tonight.

“Oh, good, I wasn’t really in the mood anyway,” Kyungsoo says. Sometimes Baekhyun thinks they’re alike, except he’s seen Kyungsoo head-over-heels in love before and it was cute as long as Kyungsoo didn’t share any of the mushy details. It’s rare and fleeting, Kyungsoo never quick to give his heart away like that, but it has happened. It’s never happened for Baekhyun.

If anything, he understands Chanyeol more than anyone else they know, because he knows exactly what it’s like not to feel something that everyone else seems to feel and set as a priority in relationships. They bond over it when they’re on-again, cuddling wherever they get a chance because that’s the only way they can be close. Sometimes they kiss, but not often. Chanyeol gets bored after a while and Baekhyun gets turned on.

“Why are you two even still hung up on each other?” Kyungsoo asks, and Baekhyun stares at him because normally Kyungsoo couldn’t give half a fuck about what the other members get up to. He must actually _care_. “This isn’t a soulmate universe. You’re not bound to each other forever. Just be best friends like you were before and look for significant others who are more suited to your respective…preferences.”

“I don’t want someone else,” Baekhyun mutters. “I want him. I’ve always wanted him, with his big dumb ears and huge gorgeous eyes and giant lanky body that holds me just right.”

Kyungsoo smiles, the bastard. “Funny, not once did you mention his dick.”

“Considering I’ve had it maybe twice, and both times left me feeling horrible, it’s not exactly at the top of my list.” Baekhyun flops face-first onto his bed, nuzzling his head against Kyungsoo’s thigh. “I care about him so much, and just because it’s not dates and curtains and forever doesn’t make it any less important.”

“That’s nice to hear,” a deep voice sounds from the hallway, and Baekhyun jerks. “I wish you could say that to me instead of other people.”

“I have said it to you,” Baekhyun says, whining when Kyungsoo gets up and his soft pillow is gone. “I’ve said it to you so many times that it doesn’t creep me out anymore.”

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Kyungsoo says, then disappears down the hallway.

“Baekhyun…” Chanyeol trails off as the bed dips with his weight. Baekhyun naturally gravitates toward him, seeking out the familiar scent and touch. Chanyeol has the boniest thighs known to man, but those long fingers feel the nicest sifting through his hair and Baekhyun forgets why he’s upset within seconds.

“I’m sorry,” he says, pressing his words into the soft material of Chanyeol’s sweat shorts and trying not to think about how close he is to what he can’t have. The one time he’d talked Chanyeol into letting Baekhyun blow him is not something he’d like to repeat, anyway.

“It’s not your fault,” Chanyeol says gently, and Baekhyun hates himself even more because Chanyeol is literally the nicest person in the world and for whatever reason he wastes his time arguing with Baekhyun who is incapable of loving another person romantically. “How’s Taeyeon-noona?”

The question relaxes him, a simple banter between two people who are close dishing about mutual friends. “She’s good. Lecturing me about compromising with you like usual. She doesn’t understand.”

“No one understands,” Chanyeol says, the fingers of his other hand seeking out the one Baekhyun has curled against his own chest. “No one but us.”

Baekhyun sighs. “I don’t want to fight anymore.”

“Me neither.”

“It’s gonna keep happening, though. We both want more than the other can give, and any amount of compromise is gonna make us both uncomfortable. Maybe Kyungsoo is right. Maybe we should just give up and find other people who fit us better.”

“Do you want to give up?”

Baekhyun doesn’t hesitate. “No.”

“Me neither.”

They’re uncharacteristically quiet for a bit, Baekhyun curled up next to Chanyeol who’s sitting on the edge of Baekhyun’s bed in the back corner of the living room. Baekhyun wonders what Chanyeol is thinking about, then wrinkles his nose at the likelihood of whatever weird romantic fantasy where Baekhyun comes to his senses and falls in love with Chanyeol after all. He only feels a little guilty about having those fantasies himself, only Chanyeol’s the one who comes to his senses and fucks Baekhyun six ways to Sunday.

“Can I lie down there with you?” Chanyeol asks, cementing Baekhyun’s suspicions with a question that’s harmless on the surface but carries with it the underlying implications of sleeping next to each other. Not that Baekhyun’s opposed being clung to by Chanyeol’s gangly arms and sometimes legs all night, not at all. It’s the pressure of it meaning something more to Chanyeol that has him reluctant.

“Yeah,” he answers, because fuck it. Compromise, right? It feels so nice to be embraced again, even if he knows they’ll both feel like shit in the morning. Most people’s morning-after regrets involve sex; Baekhyun’s involve feelings. No matter what he says or doesn’t say right now, Chanyeol will have that hurt puppy dog look on his face when Baekhyun inevitably pulls away.

But right now, it’s nice. Right now, everything is perfect and nothing hurts.

*

Japan at Christmastime is more sickening than Valentine’s Day and Baekhyun has to struggle not to throw up a little in the back of his mouth every time he sees advertisements for the romantic holiday. He’s glad he has work to distract him, even if Chanyeol doesn’t need to do anything for Baekhyun to know that he’s missing Baekhyun desperately. It’s surreal that romantic people can miss each other while still being attached at the hip, but Baekhyun has long since given up trying to understand that way of thinking.

This whole hating himself for being the reason why Chanyeol hurts bullshit is getting old. Even if he calls it off, it’ll just kick-start the whole cycle again, and being miserable with Chanyeol is better than being miserable without him. That’s the one thing they can both agree on, even if it’s simply the lesser of two evils.

They walk hand in hand through the park, too bundled up to be recognized by even the most devoted fans, and it feels like a chain leash tightening around Baekhyun’s neck. He is confident that he loves Chanyeol more than he’s ever loved another person in his whole life, but it’s not enough. A pointless stroll through a snowy foreign city is to him like making out is to Chanyeol. They just don’t match up.

“Maybe Kyungsoo’s right,” Baekhyun says when they approach the two-story decorated tree. “Maybe we should give up.”

“Is that what you want?” Chanyeol asks, his voice muffled by the layers of scarf covering his face. Baekhyun thinks there might be three of them.

“No,” he admits. “But I think we’ve proven time and time again that we can’t always get what we want. At what point are we martyrs to our own demises? We both deserve better than this misery and you know it.”

“I will always love you, Byun Baekhyun,” Chanyeol says, choking on his words, and Baekhyun feels terrible for making him cry in below-freezing weather. That can’t be good for the eyes.

Good thing this will be the last time. “You’re the only one I want, Park Chanyeol.”

Mittened fingers fall from each other and Baekhyun turns on his heel, leaving Chanyeol to enjoy his romantic scenery that’s a cruel backdrop for his heartbreak. It’s undoubtedly better with his own fantasies than Baekhyun’s reality. The walk back to the hotel is cold and enlightening, his surroundings so much brighter now that he’s not tied down to a commitment he can’t handle. He cares about Chanyeol _so much_ that he wanted to try, to compromise even if Chanyeol couldn’t meet him halfway, because Chanyeol is so important to him and he couldn’t in good faith give up unless he knew for sure that he’d tried his best.

*

Tears warm his cheeks, and it’s comforting to know they don’t freeze. He finds Kyungsoo hanging out with Jongdae, and they both stop talking the minute he walks in, Jongdae rising first to fling his arms around Baekhyun unsolicited. For such a small guy, Jongdae’s hugs are strong, squeezing the pain out of Baekhyun’s heart until there’s nothing left but Jongdae’s sopping wet shirt.

“This will be better for both of you in the long run,” Kyungsoo says, ever the voice of reason, and Baekhyun just nods as he sniffs unattractively. “Now blow your nose so you don’t get snot on me again.”

Baekhyun follows directions, eyeballing Jongdae as he inches toward the door. “Don’t go.”

“Both of us?” Jongdae questions, sharing a glance with Kyungsoo, who shrugs.

“I’m fine with it if you are.”

“It’s over, for good this time,” Baekhyun tells them. “We’re gonna…try to see other people.”

“Oh, Baekhyun…” Jongdae says, marching right back to the bed and wrapping his arms around Baekhyun’s shoulders. “I’ll do whatever you need.”

“I sincerely hope I am not ‘other people’,” Kyungsoo says firmly, and Baekhyun smiles for the first time in days. “I am serious, Baekhyun. I know I give good dick, but if you even get attached—”

“I am not attached to your dick, you pretentious tool,” Baekhyun says, laughing despite his red eyes and tear-stained face. “Now shut up and fuck me.”

Coordinating the three of them on one bed is more hilarious than any proper attempt at sex, and Baekhyun preens at the undivided attention from both sides. This is how it should be, he reasons with himself. No feelings, just a good time and orgasms for all, even if Kyungsoo gives up his normal place to smack Baekhyun on both cheeks with his dick and take great joy in coming all over Baekhyun’s face. Jongdae fucks just as well, anyway. It’s not really a difficult thing to do, at least for people who are into sex.

The most amusing part is how Jongdae is clearly battling with himself afterward, Baekhyun and Kyungsoo cackling together while Jongdae looks like he doesn’t know whether he should bask in his post-coital glory or hightail it out of the room and not look either of them in the eye for a good while. He ends up falling asleep curled against Kyungsoo’s side, which is how Baekhyun leaves them as he retreats to his own bed in the room he’s sharing with Junmyeon.

Junmyeon’s not alone, but Baekhyun knows better than to think it’s anything scandalous. A closer glance shows Chanyeol in their leader’s arms, and Baekhyun honestly should have known. They both have their ways of coping. Junmyeon loves them all like they’re his children, the natural choice for Chanyeol’s recovery since his own family was so far away. Baekhyun feels bad for the five seconds it takes Chanyeol to smile at him, looking like the happy virus he’d met in a practice room at the SM building three years ago instead of the mopey STD he’s been every time they’re together.

“Should I go sleep in your room?” Baekhyun asks. “I don’t remember which one is yours.”

“You don’t have to go, unless it’s uncomfortable for you,” Chanyeol answers, and Baekhyun wants to hate him for still thinking of Baekhyun’s _comfort_ after everything they’ve been through. “I wasn’t planning on spending the night…”

“I can come sleep in your room, if you want,” Junmyeon offers, and it’s a credit to how much he loves Baekhyun that he doesn’t give Baekhyun the glare he clearly deserves. “You don’t have to be alone tonight, Yeollie.”

“Thanks, hyung,” Chanyeol says. “I don’t think Jongin will mind. He’ll probably try to crawl into bed with us.”

Baekhyun expects Junmyeon to carry Chanyeol out of the room bridal style after all of that affectionate talk, but they walk side by side like normal human beings after Junmyeon packs a bag. Once Baekhyun is by himself, he breathes deeply for the first time in quite a while. He takes a long shower and takes his time moisturizing and getting ready for bed. Late-night Japanese TV is amusing, but not interesting enough to keep him awake, and before he knows it the dawn of another day is upon him, the first one where he’s not going to be all fucked up over Park Chanyeol.

He hopes.

*

Chanyeol finds someone first. Baekhyun had known he would, since Baekhyun himself hasn’t bothered to look past his occasional fuck buddies. Chanyeol’s new boyfriend is a friend of his sister’s, which means he’s been primed on Chanyeol’s lack of sexuality and threatened within an inch of his life if he hurts Park Yoora’s precious little giant brother. Baekhyun wonders how he’d gotten off so easily, then figures he has Chanyeol to thank for that.

“I know Yoora-noona has this covered,” Baekhyun begins, “but if this guy so much as touches you without permission, I will punch him in the dick.”

“Thanks,” Chanyeol says, frowning as he leans down to see himself in the mirror. “Do I look okay?”

“You always look okay,” Baekhyun tells him. “You’re perfect.”

Chanyeol hugs his bare arms and looks down at the dresser. _Shit_ , Baekhyun shouldn’t have said that. “Thanks, Baekhyunnie. I’m glad you’re in my corner.”

“Where else would I be?” Flat on his stomach on Chanyeol’s bed, Baekhyun leans up on his elbows, hands folded under his chin as he kicks his legs behind him. “I’ll always be in your corner, Chanyeollie. I’ve only ever wanted you to be happy.”

“I’ll do my best,” Chanyeol says, more to his reflection than to Baekhyun, and Baekhyun’s grateful when Junmyeon arrives to fuss over Chanyeol like it’s his son’s prom night.

After seeing him off, Baekhyun leans into Junmyeon and Junmyeon squeezes him with one arm. “You okay, kid?”

“Yeah,” Baekhyun says, and it’s not a lie. “Will you stay with me tonight, hyung?”

“I’m not having sex with you, Baekhyun.” He can’t see Junmyeon’s face, but he bets it’s an incredible contortion of features. “But of course I will stay with you.”

“It’s not a constant need, you know,” Baekhyun grumbles. “I don’t _always_ want sex. Just like Chanyeol can cuddle with someone he doesn’t love, I can cuddle with someone I don’t want to fuck.”

Junmyeon just hums, which makes Baekhyun huff the entire way to the couch, where he’s enveloped in unfamiliar arms. He doesn’t lie like this with Junmyeon often, usually preferring to go to members who will spoil him with more physical attention. When his heart hurts like this, though, he wants someone who will hold him until the bad feelings go away. Just because he doesn’t feel romantic love doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel _anything_.

They watch some sci-fi marathon, and Junmyeon’s starting to nod off by the second episode, snoring in Baekhyun’s ear in such an annoying way that he wants to take back his offer to sleep together. Except when he drags Junmyeon under his covers, he’s hugged so tightly that he’s pretty sure Junmyeon sleepily mistakes him for a life-size stuffed animal, and it’s the safest he’s felt in years. As much as he adored Chanyeol and how it had felt to be in his arms, sleeping with him came with expectations he couldn’t live up to, the pressure spreading further than their embrace.

He’s roused when Chanyeol gets home, apologizing profusely as he bumps into everything like he hasn’t lived here for years. Baekhyun offers a hooded glare before leaning up as much as he can in Junmyeon’s death grip. “How was it?”

Chanyeol bites his lip like he wants to burst with the answer, but he’s not sure if he should appear so excited about another person in front of his ex. If Baekhyun wasn’t half conscious, he’d probably laugh and tell Chanyeol to get on with it, because Chanyeol being all mushy with someone else is the last thing he’s going to get jealous over, ever.

“He’s so great, Baekhyun,” Chanyeol finally explodes, perching on the edge of Baekhyun’s bed. Baekhyun’s head finds Chanyeol’s thigh and those long fingers are back in his hair, stroking so lightly that Baekhyun might have purred. “He kept smiling at me and telling me how talented I am, and he actually _kissed my hand goodbye_ —”

“Gross,” Baekhyun interjects, making half-assed gagging noises.

Chanyeol shoves at him, but there’s no strength behind it. “I happen to like being wooed, thank you very much!”

“You romos and your weird foreplay,” Baekhyun mutters with a grin.

“You allos and your weird emotions,” Chanyeol quips, not missing a beat.

Baekhyun holds up his hand for a fist pound and gets it. “I’m glad you found someone.”

“You will too!” Chanyeol says too eagerly. “I have faith that someone will come along who is more than happy to regularly do sex things with you.”

“Nah,” Baekhyun says, snuggling back against Junmyeon who makes a strangled noise into his hair. “I’m good. For now.”

Chanyeol pets him one more time before retreating to his room, the defined sound of the door closing feeling like the end of an era. It’s ironic because they’re probably closer now than when they were trying to be something they couldn’t, the pieces of their puzzle nowhere close to fitting together. Baekhyun’s still young—he’s got plenty of time to think about settling down…way far into the future.

Regardless of who he meets, if anyone, he knows that Park Chanyeol will still be a permanent fixture in his life. He hopes all of these morons will be, but he and Chanyeol go deeper than EXO. They may not have been able to make it as boyfriends (as much as that word makes Baekhyun cringe), but they’re something more than what they were before. Chanyeol could marry Mr. Chivalry and adopt a bunch of babies and Baekhyun would still be there, eating his food and making disgusted faces when they kiss.

Junmyeon snores directly in his ear and Baekhyun kicks him out of bed. “Shoulda saw that coming,” he says when Junmyeon grumbles the entire way to his room. “You’re the best, hyung.”

*

Springtime means short sleeves and biceps everywhere, giving Baekhyun more than enough eye candy during and outside of work. He can definitely appreciate a nice pair of arms—it’s why he had chosen Kyungsoo for his rebound dick, after all—and suddenly he’s surrounded by them. There’s something to be said about nature’s mating season when he’s thinking about sex more often than usual, very aware of how long it’s been since he’s been physically intimate with someone he actually likes.

“Hey,” Yixing approaches him after a particularly grueling rehearsal, sweat shining in a muscle shirt and track pants like a beautiful Chinese Adonis. “What are you doing after this?”

“You,” Baekhyun answers, half serious, but his libido goes up along with Yixing’s eyebrow. “I mean, maybe grabbing something to eat, you know.”

“I like the first answer better,” Yixing says bluntly, and bless him for not being a native Korean speaker who would undoubtedly soften his words. “We can eat too, though. I’m flexible.”

Baekhyun blinks. “Yes?”

“Yes, good.” Yixing shoots him a million-watt smile and Baekhyun thanks whatever deity above cast this perfect creature right into his lap like some kind of guardian dick angel. “I’ve been waiting _forever_ for you to get over Chanyeol.”

The familiar constriction starts in on his lungs, which must be obvious because Yixing’s flailing his arms and shaking his head rather animatedly.

“No, no! Don’t get the wrong idea. I don’t want anything _serious_. I know how you are! I wouldn’t make you go through that again. And I’m gone all the time, so I’d be an awful boyfriend anyway. I just want to touch you, a lot. And you should touch me too. Preferably while naked.”

“ _Please_ ,” Baekhyun whines, unconcerned how needy he sounds with Yixing offering his ridiculously sexy body on a silver platter. “Your place or mine?”

“Showers,” Yixing answers, dragging Baekhyun toward the locker room by his wrist.

They pass Chanyeol on the way, where Baekhyun gets the lamest double thumbs-up and wonders why the hell they both wasted the past three years of their lives trying to force something that was never meant to be. Not that Baekhyun believes in fate, at least when it comes to people meeting by chance, but if he’s learned anything from his failed relationship with Chanyeol, it’s that there’s more than one way to be connected to someone.

Yixing tastes like trouble and feels like freedom, and the last of Baekhyun’s self-hatred washes right down the drain with their combined sweat and the evidence of this brand new season.


End file.
